I wannas sexs uuuuu
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
