I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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