New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
