My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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