You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
