It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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