ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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