She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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