VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
