I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
