Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
