there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
