Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
