This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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