Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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