Apparently you make a good broom.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
