well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
