I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
