She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
