Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
