It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
