New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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