There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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