Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
