Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
