Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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