I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
