Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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