there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
