Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
