She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
