After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
