If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
