I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
