I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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