dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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