..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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