Whod you bang
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
