I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she smelled like a LAN party
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
