Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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