yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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