be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
