you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
