My Higher Power is John Stamos
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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