The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Drake has all the answers
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
