i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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