Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
