Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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