I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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