y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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