I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
