You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
