She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You need a sexual gate keeper
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
