It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
