Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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