I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
