I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
