My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
