You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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