just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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