clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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