Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
