just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
